The Thoughts From Which I Hide

by Vehemence

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about

Self-released debut album. Recorded in 1999, originally released on CD format in 2000. Available digitally for the first time.

credits

released August 8, 2015

Nathan Gearhart: Vocals
Andy Schroeder: Drums
Bjorn Dannov: Lead Guitar
Scott Wiegand: Guitar
Mark Kozuback: Bass, Vocals

Guest vocals on "Nameless Faces, Scattered Remnants" by Justin Eavenson of Brides Of Christ, and Richard Medina of Occision/ex-Nuctemeron

Keyboards on "Reconditioning The Flock" by Jason Keesecker

Cover art: John Chavez

Vehemence Logo: Scott Wiegand

Lyrics: Nathan Gearhart

Music: Bjorn Dannov

Engineered, Mixed, and Mastered by Jason Coleman at AAA Audio, Glendale, Arizona, 1999

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Vehemence Phoenix, Arizona

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Track Name: I Take Your Life
Now that you understand
You will go peacefully
But I still regret
Not hearing you pleading

Pulling you closer feeling your breasts
Pressing so firmly, aroused!
I take your life, just to feel the ecstasy
My knife in you, as you are my willing victim

To caress your flesh, and to feel the blood soaked moisture
My only regret, you cannot feel this more than once
Your breasts swollen to the touch
Warm breath drops upon your neck

Closing your eyes so tightly
Anxiously await my next move Insert deep into you
Womb like warmth of your cunt
Further I drive my arm
Until I reach my elbow

Pulling you closer feeling your breasts
Pressing so firmly, aroused!
Track Name: Saying Goodbye
I can still see my reflection in your
Blood soaked eye as you sob
A last farewell severing all of my passion

Bullshit, your words such pain
You have created this chain reaction

My sorrow to hate and my hatred to violence
The only thing that I really desired was
For you to give me a reason to hate you
And now that I have this, there is nothing to stop me
I will destroy you, as you to my psyche
For this pain is never to be forgotten

With my mallet I swing crushing the bones in your pelvis
Y ou cry for some sympathy, I do not fucking think so
Your pain has only just begun pulling backwards
Expose your intestines, your eyes begging

My pain is forever your cries cannot compare
This emptiness is soon to consume you
Blood pools underneath us from severed arteries
My smile reminds me of the times we've shared

Puncture, remove, remorse, sorrow
Your death, my joy, your pain, my life
Smashing, tearing, ending your reign
Supreme no more, I am my own
As you quiver, await the end
My words ingrained always in you

I need to know that I'll never see your face again
Digging deeply under your flesh peeling so slowly
The skin pulls away bearing facial muscle tissue
As convulsions subside your soul leaves your corpse

Puncture remove
Remorse sorrow
As you quiver
I need to know that I'll never see your face again
I can still see my reflection in your
Blood soaked eye as you sob
A last farewell severing all of my passion
Peel your flesh , passion growing deep inside me
Cut and push , my knife a fatal phallus
Replace with my throbbing swollen cock
Your corpse still, but still warm and perfect for me
Taste the blood, the time has come to savor your death
Say goodbye, my love for you down to nothing
Goodbye
Track Name: Whore Cunt Die
I could tell you tales of morbid visions, thoughts from which I hide

The fear within this shell that I call my soul reflects the darkness
This pit of agony into which
I have been cast by those who do not see the pain

Draining down you inner thigh, what you knew as sex
Nails I drive deep into the vagina, ceasing the piercing screams
What was once your cunt is now my throbbing toy
I drive the hammer deeper to block the pain from my mind

This bloody whore who I once told I loved
Has become a pile of mangled flesh swarming with insect
As I dissect her unborn fetus I hear her whisper one last cry
Begging her false prophet for forgiveness,
I rape her in the name of Jesus Christ

I feel no shame for this disgrace, this atrocity
Her very existence being an abomination to humanity
There are so many like her waiting to be dead
My insanity is my creativity while clearing out my mind

These things that I have done are purged from memory
But those which linger turn my vision black

I wish I could turn my hatred on myself, I want to die
But there is a dark force which seems to hold me back

Pleading with her god to make my torment stop
Hearing my own cries, I drive myself deep
Hoping she lives through my climax so she can choke
On the steaming slop which i spurt all over her face

That whore must die

I want this vision of torment to live forever in my mind
To stifle the agony that tears ravenously at my soul
Her death will secure my piece of mind for now
But soon another cunt will die for Satan
Track Name: What You've Become
Smile at me again, but I know what's on your mind
It's so easy for you, tell me what I want to hear
Damn your lies, sliding my blade across your face
I can smile at you and terror courses through your veins

I know how you feel, and I feel just the same
Deep in my mind, the sledge is raised to remove your brain
Verbally I lie but mentally I'm raping your corpse
Dreaming of your extinction, I smile and tell you you're my friend

They look at me and they think I'm just like them
I will show you how I really feel

Preparing for a vision of hell

The incision is made under the left tear duct
Gliding slowly across the jugular, my hand warm and moist
Across the breastbone exposing the glistening ribcage
And finally arriving at the vast cornucopia of organs in your lower
abdominal area

Your death pleases me, you smile at me no more, stiffened corpses cannot
smile

Your words cannot hurt, your tongue is stapled to my wall
Fuck you and your lies, your mouth is now my urinal
I can smile at you, I am happy with what you've become

They look at me and they think I'm just like them
I will show you how I really feel
Track Name: No One Wins
The walls cave in on me, this life that you call mine
You smile say you love me, I want to smash your face
My torment, my prison, why must life be this way
I close my eyes to see my mental death of you

My tears spill from the corner of my eye
Stumbling upon the realization
No one wins

Rejection, ostracized, become to numb to love
They say that they're you friend, you wanted so much more
Companion, a lover, you wont let me love you
Raising my fists in rage, I curse gods high and low

My tears spill from the corner of my eye
Stumbling upon the realization
No one wins

I feel the oppression of this life that's inflicted upon me
You scoff at misery that I collapse under the sheer force of
Your complete ignorance has me screaming rage and hatred for you

You are an imbecile and it is for that fact that you must die
How can you deceive yourself with lies
Why must you say fucking blatant non-truths
Admit it if you must hate me
And then we won't pretend to be friends
Tidal waves of anger cascade into rivulets
Of thought that I must learn to get under control
I must think, organize, and come to terms with this
No matter how hard I try I won't win

My tears spill from the corner of my eye
Stumbling upon the realization
No one wins
Track Name: Nameless Faces, Scattered Remnants
SEE THE SUN RISE CASTING LUMINOUS SHADOWS
BATTLE FIELD LITTERED WITH BLOODY WRETCHED
MORNING AIR CRISP WITH THE STENCH OF THE SUFFERING

DESPAIR EMANATES FROM THE MELANCHOLY SHELLS

NAMELESS FACES, SCATTERED REMNANTS
NOT AS MANY DEAD AS I WOULD HAVE WISHED
SURVEYING THE WRECKAGE I PRETEND TO CARE
DIGGING FURIOUSLY I FRANTICALLY SEARCH

HEARING THEIR PLEAS AND QUICKENING
MY PACE I UNEARTH A ROOM QUICK TO LOOK INSIDE
CRIBS OVERTURNED TINY BODIES LIE BROKEN
MY JOY IS SO VERY HARD TO HIDE

NAMELESS FACES, SCATTERED REMNANTS
NOT AS MANY DEAD AS I WOULD HAVE WISHED

BUT NOW I HASTEN MY EFFORT
GRABBING A LIFELESS CHID CORPSE

SHOVING BROKEN LIMBS INTO MY SACK MY PALMS MOIST WITH BLOOD
BEFORE OTHERS ARRIVE I FLEE, NO ONE WILL FIND ME

YOU ALL SUFFER
MOTHERS WEEP
THINKING OF THEIR
PERISHED CHILDREN

DOOR OPENS TO REVEAL A PLACE OF SUFFERING
MY VICTIMS I CAST DOWN INTO A DARK CORNER
REMOVE LIMBS RELEASING MY BLOODY LUBRICANT!
MASTURBATE SEVERED HEAD SO MANY MORE TO KILL

KILLING CHRISTIANS OR SIMPLY MAIMING THEM
ONE WAY OR THE OTHER THEY MUST BE FORCED TO KNOW

THEIR GOD IS DEAD AND SO IS CHRISTIANITY
AND NOW GOD'S NAME IS DRAINED FOR ALL ITS WORTH
DIE CHRISTIAN MOTHERFUCKER
HOW MANY LIVES MUST BE TAKEN AWAY
JUST TO HAVE A ROTTEN CORPSE ON MY DICK
BUTCHERING A CHILD AND SAVING SEGMENTS

I MUST RETURN SOON TO THE SCENE OF MY CRIME

NAMELESS FACES, SCATTERED REMNANTS
NOT AS MANY DEAD AS I WOULD HAVE WISHED
THIS STRUCTURE I CRUSH JUST TO MASTURBATE
WITH A LIFELESS CHILD CORPSE
Track Name: Devour The Rotten Flesh
Flesh Prisms of color radiate from your eyes
Through these slits you view your misery
Death lurks deep into your rotting soul
Brought to the surface by a chemical aroma

Life has given up on you in your domicilic tomb
Your dead children clutching one another
Hidden in the corner fleeing from hunger
Steaming pus oozing from their swollen orifice

Broken glass in one hand, blood caked, stiffened
Swollen arteries, hardened and purple
Vomit in the other, putrid and foamy
Holding the severed head of your faithful wife

Her bitching intolerable, now she suffers
Rotting limbs scatter the surface around you
Living was their reason to embrace death
Dying was the only way for them to live

Giving away your worthless life

It wasn't hard embracing hell
Feeling so cold lying in flames
Satan loves you for what you've done

Lying in flesh, the screams echo
Drowning in blood, eaten alive
Over and over, raped by demons
Never ending screams of despair

Turn and see a beautifully putrid sight

Corpses of your children fusing to your chest
Burning flesh drips liquidly from their faces
The torment you caused them they reflect
Into your soul, You devour rotten flesh to
Remove it from your own
But there is no end to this pain and you laugh
Embracing hell and enduring the torture
Sinking languidly into the misery and hatred
I lament the sheer pleasure I derive from this
Track Name: Reconditioning The Flock
Enveloped by waves of violently burning hatred
Pulling from all sides, nothingness beckons persistently
The knowledge of utter humanity and its toils
I can feel my own insides in full view of my enemy

Left behind, forgotten
To think that your cries and heard -an impossibility
Left to suffer without justification -alone
He who saved so many will never save again
Non-truths and deception roll down his dirty cheek

Never to repent to suck a filthy fucking liar
The Christ of those unwilling to make their own way
A mind open to images of a divine bliss
The only way to enter is to stop living life

Enveloped by waves of violently burning hatred
Pulling from all sides nothingness beckons persistently

Giving away your love gift
To the god who speaks through man
How jaded your simple little mind has become
He who saved so many will never save again

Have you ever met your god face to face
So called miracles but how can you know
A simple explanation of your pathetic dependencies
Bow before the altar and all your sins are washed away

Just your peace of mind transforming into image
An idol for all to fear and beg for forgiveness from
But where have all your miracles gone

Without your belief you find no meaning
This shallow story written so long ago
Why can't these sheep awaken

A loose knit collection of rules and regulation
Calling for one to give ones self to a filthy fucking super-hero
Walk on water, heal leper, where has this magician gone
Understand the error presented by the tellers of folk and lore

Releasing this source of all my anger
Letting go of Sunday fucking fairy tales
The knowledge of oneself should take priority I will never bow before your Christ of a forgotten time